Life Is Not Fair!

October 2003

Some of the more common words my father would commend to me while growing up were, "life is not fair", and "we're not like other families". In other words, tough luck. Get over it. Buck up, son. Stop complaining. Over the past few years, I've had plenty of opportunity to learn to be content in all situations. Well, actually, not all situations. Just the situations involving lack. But from this vantage point, there is another issue that is surfacing for me: The myth of the American "self-made man".

If you are a functioning member of the Body of Christ, you will often be on both the giving and the receiving ends of love. This takes many forms, but somehow we tend to draw a line between material and non-material forms. Unconditional love, support and prayer are all welcome in good times and bad. But make it material things, and my spine stiffens. I get great satisfaction in helping other folks out. But lately, I have become keenly aware of the difficult time I have letting others help me. This is very humbling… but why? Because we don't need each other! We need to make our own mark on this world! Relying on others would be cheating. Weakness. Immature.

This is America. Built from the ground up by Yankee thrift, western adventure and true grit. This is the 21st Century. Nobody is responsible for anybody else. Even personal responsibility is called into question. Besides, what help could you possibly need? We have everything we need to succeed in life. Education. Credit. Intermittent windshield wipers. Web browsers. The American way is an equal opportunity for all. Politicians run on tickets that promise an equal playing field. I used to buy that. No more.

The whole notion that everyone has an equal opportunity is preposterous. Thinking that somehow this would be best is perhaps worse. As parents, we want to be fair to all of our kids. But "fair" should not be "the same". Why? Because that is not how God treats us.

Think about it. Do you know any two people that have the same build, bank account, spouse, character, personality, job, kids, address and commute? So, we have a God that loves us all, but each has a decidedly different lot in life. That doesn't seem fair to me. And God must think that is best, or we'd all be the same with the same circumstances.

Moreover, there are some things that are passed down through multi-generational families. Sin, for one, to the third and fourth generation. Blessings, for another, to a thousand generations (not fair, huh?). A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children. These are all spiritual truths that point to God's complete disregard for the fairness doctrine that permeates our society. Then there is our health history, genetic makeup, and skills we get just from hanging around our folks (Jesus was a carpenter for an unfair reason! What if he would rather have been a rocket scientist?) About the only thing that God seems to give in equal measure to us all is that he causes the rain to rain on the just and the unjust.

No, I no longer think that fair (or equal) is best. In fact, I want my kids to have the best opportunity they can have to succeed in life. Even if every other kid doesn't get the same "level playing field". That's why we home school. That's why I spend time with each one, trying to crawl inside their world and figure out how God wired them, so I can be the Dad they need, and direct them on the path that God has for them. And that is why I will accept the help of my fellow man and family in times of need. We stand on the footing that was laid for us. A combination of our earthly parents, our friends, and God's grace. No one is self-made.

So let us give our children the very best we can give them. Love, prayer, resources, training, guidance and vision. Let us pray that that is not the status quo. Let us all decide right now to make sure that life isn't fair for any of our children.

Yours,
Brett

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