May 2003 Letter

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Wear Your Colors!

May 2003

As we sat listening to announcements in church this past Sunday, I glanced down at my feet and noticed that there was icing dried on my shoe. That's OK, I thought. At least no one can see the egg that snuck inside my shoe… right beside my heel. Shoe ware, I am realizing, is a fashion liability for the baker.

As a man, having a few rules of thumb for dressing is essential. Though only a few, they save me from the endless string of gasps that sprung like springs eternal from my wife during early marriage upon my every emergence from the closet. Actually, there are only four rules that I employ. Although this legalistic lifestyle has diminished my flamboyance, like a good "high and tight" haircut, my mind is now free to consider other matters throughout the day.

RULE #1: Green Goes with Everything. I got this one from my father. Most women will tell you that this is utter foolishness, but it works quite well for me. I have never seen my wife's jaw drop when I wore green with anything else. But, she HAS accused me of wearing too much green, so there is a temporary moratorium (that's been going on for about ten years now) on new green clothing purchases. Luckily, I have a few more rules to follow when green is absent from the daily outfit.

RULE #2: Earth Tones go with Everything. I discovered this one while shopping at Sam's Club last year. They had a whole line of casual shirts designed to go with whatever khakis you already had. No need to compare colors. They just go. It was on that day that I switched to brown socks. They are so close to the ground that they always go… as long as you don't wear blue shoes with your blue suit… something a man would never do anyway, so we are safe. Women: proceed with caution. Brown socks may not go with those white hose and cherry red pumps.

RULE #3: Stars and Stripes do NOT go together. What worked for our founding fathers apparently does not work today. Betsy Ross, bite your tongue. There is a sub-rule here: things that work when you are single do not necessarily work after you marry.

I still remember the day that I learned this lesson. It started out innocently enough. I put on my favorite striped surf shorts (we lived at the beach for too long)—green, blue, and yellow—and matched it up with a cool tropical floral shirt with the same green, blue, and yellow colors Strutting smugly with my color-matching coup, I emerged.

Needless to say, I demerged and reemerged shortly thereafter… never to don the pair again. My wife is nothing if not succinct.

RULE #4: If It is Dry… Wear It! Somewhere along the way (the way of having numerous small children), my wife has developed a new rule. To be quite honest, until my aforementioned fateful day in church, I was not completely comfortable with the rule.

The rule simply states that it does not matter what has been spilled, secreted or excreted on your clothing. The important factor is when. Born out of many frustrating days when you realize that you've got some sort of goo dried and stuck on your clothing as you are in a rush to get out the door, the rule allows (yea even compels) you to stop whining and worrying, and continue on your way - so long as the substance is good and dried. This may work for the busy home schooling Mom who will spend most of her day with her children and other home schooling Moms and their children. But I had to engage the public with my slime-encrusted clothes. Like I said, I was never quite comfortable until now.

On Sunday, I began to see that wearing a little residue from your vocational activities can bolster your step with pride. I instantly recalled the 52 dozen items that my son and I worked straight through the night to bake and deliver just two nights before. Like a new day, I began to realize the pride that a Mom must feel as she slips out to the park with the lasting (until washday) proof of the love she has been giving to her children throughout the day and night.

Now that I have added bakery ingredients to the list of acceptable dried substances to wear on your clothing, I am much more comfortable with the rule. And it is nice to know that my four basic rules of fashion have been vetted and proven once again.

So wear your colors. Wear them proudly. You earned every stripe.

Brett

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